Snow Regrets Read online

  That sounded…scary and perfect all at the same time.

  He’d never see me as someone he’d get serious with, so it wasn’t like I’d have to worry about looking silly with a possible romantic partner. Hell, to him I was probably still a wet-behind-the-ears kid. But he was nice. And even though I hadn’t talked to him in years, I knew without a doubt he was still the same good guy he’d always been.

  I gave a long, overly dramatic sigh. “Fine, I guess I’ll have to live with that.”

  Forest chuckled. “Be careful what you agree to.”

  Rolling my eyes, I fought not to giggle, but it was too difficult, so I knew he could hear the laughter in my voice. “You don’t scare me. You already said you’re a mushy Daddy who likes to please their little. If you wanted to scare me, that wasn’t the way to describe yourself.”

  Forest laughed and the booming sound had me smiling just because he was so happy. “Cheeky littles risk getting punished, so I’d be careful how much you pushed me.”

  That didn’t sound as scary as it probably should have. I wasn’t worried about him punishing me, but I wasn’t sure how serious he was taking the rest of the conversation. Was he just teasing because I’d been sad or had I just found myself a temporary Daddy?

  Chapter 7

  Forest

  I wasn’t sure what to make of the turn our conversation had taken, but I wasn’t ready to back down from it yet. Joseph wasn’t shy about telling me no, and even though it’d been hard on him, nothing about his reaction said I was going too far.

  But even if he wasn’t opposed to it…was it a good idea?

  “I bet if I pout and look cute I could change your mind about getting punished.” His teasing reply chased some of the worries to the back of my mind.

  I gave a dramatic huff and shook my head. “I refuse to answer that on the grounds I might regret it later.”

  Giggles escaped as he snuggled closer. Whereas he’d been sitting still before, just soaking up my touch, now he was stroking absently over my arm as he cuddled into me. I wasn’t even sure he realized he was doing it, but it gave me another peek into how comfortable he was with the conversation.

  Was he really open to the idea of my stepping in to show him how a Daddy/boy relationship would work? If he’d been curious for years but hadn’t done anything, he was probably ready to get his feet wet. It wasn’t hard to remember how nervous I’d been about approaching someone in the lifestyle for the first time.

  If I could make that transition easier for him, would it be a bad thing?

  I wasn’t going to delude myself into thinking there would be a future with us. I was too old for him and though he wasn’t angry, even our friendship came with a lot of baggage. But he knew he was safe with me.

  “How would you punish a boy?” I could still hear the smile in his voice, but I wasn’t sure if it was because he thought the conversation was funny or if it appealed to the little side of his personality.

  Not sure exactly how to proceed, I just decided to answer it like I would to someone I was interested in doing a scene with. “Well, that depends. If it was because they needed to be punished, I’d base it on what they’d done to begin with and how old they were when they were little. Maybe corner time or a spanking for a younger little and maybe writing lines for a middle. Personally, I like to use spanking as a fun punishment, not to actually correct behavior. But each little is different.”

  He nodded. I wasn’t sure if he would be overwhelmed by the answer, but I couldn’t feel any tension in him. His worries might come back once the real world intruded, but for the time being he seemed comfortable in the cocoon we’d created.

  “I don’t think I’d like punishment spankings. That seems…” He shrugged, apparently not sure how to explain what was going through his head. “I think I’d rather that be fun.”

  For him, I’d have to agree. Joseph wouldn’t need a physical punishment to get through to him. He needed love and support more than anything else. Just knowing he’d disappointed his Daddy would probably be devastating. “I would have to agree. But I think you’d like playing when you were little best of all.”

  Thinking back to the way he’d looked as he’d gotten out of the car made it clear how much stress he was under. I knew I didn’t know everything, but I had a feeling he just needed a way to let everything go when he was little.

  “Cartoons and coloring and toys…just having fun and letting your Daddy take care of you.” I gave him a hug when he nodded against my shoulder. “Bubble baths and Star Wars jammies…Daddy tucking you in at night…there would be nothing to worry about.”

  I knew I’d hit a nerve when his breathing hitched again and he forced himself to let it out slowly. “That sounds…I think that would be fun.”

  Admitting that couldn’t have been easy. I kissed his head again and hugged him tight. “I’m glad because I think it sounds like fun too. I had a good time just watching you during the movie.”

  Some of the stress that had started to build faded again. He let out a quiet giggle. “I couldn’t figure out why you were looking at me.”

  “Because you were cute and I liked making you happy.” We were friends, so I wasn’t worried about admitting that, but it felt like we were entering a no-man's-land where conventional labels didn’t quite fit.

  Was he ready to let me be his Daddy while we were both trapped in the cabin?

  Just a quick peek out the window earlier had shown neither of us were going anywhere anytime soon, but I didn’t want him to feel like he was backed into a corner. It was time to stop talking around it and actually address it head-on. “I would be honored to be your Daddy while we’re staying together so you can get a taste of how it would feel to have that kind of relationship, but I don’t want you to think you have to. If all you want to do is talk and ask questions, that’s fine. This is up to you and I don’t want to pressure you.”

  He was quiet for several long seconds, but there was no tension in him and he didn’t seem stressed. His fingers kept stroking my arm as he rubbed his head against my shoulder like I was some kind of snuggly toy he was using to soothe himself.

  “Would it be weird if I said yes? I mean, logically I know wanting to be little isn’t weird, but with us and our past…” He sighed and sat up enough that he could look me in the eyes.

  I could see questions and hesitation in them, but he wasn’t letting his fears or the past stand in his way. It was easy to see how he’d managed to pick himself up and charge forward with his life after his father had shot everything all to hell. He’d always been a stubborn little thing and that hadn’t changed.

  “I think our past makes it logical.” Kind of. “We trust each other and this is a way for you to safely explore being little without having to get to know someone new.”

  “You don’t think this will…I don’t know…complicate things or make them awkward?” His brows pulled together and I could see questions whirling inside him.

  I thought I knew where he was going, so I did my best to sound calm and logical as I brought it up. “While a Daddy’s relationship with his little will be intimate, it doesn’t have to be sexual. We won’t do anything that crosses the boundaries we set up.”

  Bodies responded and sometimes it was out of our control, but that didn’t mean I’d steer things down that path or assume he was interested in me in that way.

  His cheeks turned a faint pink, but he nodded. “But we won’t let it get too awkward? I might be assuming too much, but I’d like to keep in touch and…”—he shrugged—“and have someone to talk to about…stuff.”

  Smiling, I pulled him back into me. “Oh, I guarantee it’s going to get awkward more than once, but that doesn’t mean we stop being friends. It means you’ll blush and I’ll either feel a bit guilty or pleased with myself, depending on the circumstances, and then we move past it. An awkward moment or two doesn’t mean we stop talking or stop doing things together. No matter where I end up, I plan on stalking you to make sur
e you’re doing okay.”

  And that he wasn’t hiding away forever, worried about what others might think.

  Confidence was easy when you were surrounded by people who thought the same way you did. Once he got home…that would be another story altogether. He would need someone behind him giving him a push, even if he didn’t want to admit it.

  Joseph chuckled, letting me hug him tight. “I’m not sure promising me things will get awkward and you won’t be afraid to stop me should make me feel more confident about all this.”

  “But it does.” I smirked. “Because you’re too curious to back down.”

  “You’re going to drive me nuts. I can already see it.” The teasing sigh in his voice said he didn’t really mind the idea of me making him crazy, however.

  I grinned. “What are Daddies for?”

  Joseph groaned playfully then turned to bury his face in my neck. “Daddies are for cuddling and tucking you in and letting you play.”

  Someone had been making a list.

  “That’s right, and they make you snacks and help you relax and take care of you.” I stroked over his head and down his neck to cup his chin. “Tomorrow we’re going to talk about boundaries and what you’re curious about. Fair warning, this will be one of those awkward things we mentioned a few minutes ago.”

  His groan this time was of embarrassed frustration. “Don’t tell me that.”

  Snuggling closer again, he sighed. “Do we really have to talk about…stuff like that?”

  “Yep.” There was no way around that. “But if you’re good, I’ll turn on the next Star Wars movie and maybe I’ll find something else to make you for a special treat.”

  “More brownies?” The excitement in his voice had me smiling.

  “We’ll see.” I’d planned on freezing the last of the brownies so he could have them later in the week, but I could find something else for him next time I needed a good bribe.

  “That means yes, right?” He giggled when I sighed.

  Maybe it was the relief of having everything out in the open or maybe it was a combination of a lot of things, but I was starting to see his little side coming to the surface. Had he ever really let it out to play, even when it was just him by himself?

  Did he have coloring books or toys or had he locked that side of his personality away?

  “I’m not sure you need brownies for every snack.” His pouty huff had me chuckling. “But we’ll find some fun treats as long as you’re good. That means you won’t avoid conversations and you’ll be a good boy when I decide it’s bedtime for you.”

  “Is that something we’ll talk about tomorrow…bedtimes and stuff?” I could hear the relief in his voice, but I was going to have to burst that hopeful bubble.

  “Yes, we’ll talk about things like how you feel about me setting a bedtime for you and how much control over day-to-day things you want me to have while we’re here together. Depending on how much control you want your Daddy to have, we’ll also talk about rules around self-pleasuring and if you want me to bathe you. I think you’d like a bubble bath.”

  And I was pretty sure I’d seen a bottle of something that would work under one of the bathroom sinks. But toys were going to be a little harder to come by. I hadn’t exactly packed like I was taking a vacation with a little.

  “Oh.” There wasn’t enough of a response to figure out what he was thinking, but the fact that he didn’t pull away from me said a lot.

  “But that’s tomorrow and we’re not going to worry about it.” I found myself kissing his head again. It was taking liberties, but since he hadn’t complained, I was going to assume it was an acceptable way of showing affection.

  But that was something that probably should go on the list too.

  “Okay, tomorrow.” He snuggled his head back against me again and I took that to mean he wasn’t going to worry about it for the time being.

  “For tonight, how about before we get you ready for bed we check out some of the closets and see if we can find some toys for you to play with. We can also look through the movies and see what appeals to your little side.” I glanced over at the TV while I mentally sorted through my movies.

  “If this question is too hard or just too confusing to answer that’s okay, but how little do you picture yourself when your Daddy is taking care of you?” When he was quiet for a few seconds too long, I decided to rephrase that a bit. “Not the kinky things you might get off to, but the other parts where you’re in the headspace where you want to play or watch movies or have your Daddy take care of you.”

  We’d stay away from the sexual side because he wouldn’t want that from me. But we were definitely going to talk about it at some point. I didn’t want him going into an unsafe situation and he’d admitted that he didn’t have anyone else to talk to about this kind of stuff.

  Realizing that I wasn’t asking about his dirty fantasies seemed to make things easier, but he simply shrugged which wasn’t much help. I cleared my throat which made him giggle and then force some words out. “I don’t know.”

  That was better than silence but not by much.

  “When you think about doing things with your Daddy, is he doing things like cutting up your food and taking care of you or are you too old for that?” I wasn’t sure where the internet and his imagination had taken him, but I figured that was a good starting point.

  “I’ve seen a couple online where the Daddy does that and my friend online says his Daddy does all kinds of things for him.” Again, it wasn’t specific, but it filled in some of the blanks.

  “What about toys? Would coloring or things like blocks be fun?” When he nodded, I was back to being frustrated that I didn’t have anything for him to play with.

  “My online friend has a sandbox.”

  I could only assume that the online friend was a real person, but the way Joseph kept answering questions had me second-guessing that. If the guy was real, it was probably easier for Joseph to point to a stranger than to himself.

  “I bet he has fun with that.” That earned me another nod. “What else does he like to do?”

  “He likes playing with toys and he’s got a dinosaur outfit that he loves.” Joseph giggled. “I don’t get the dress-up thing, but he loves it.”

  Okay, toys yes, dress-up no.

  I was going to have a lot more questions tomorrow, but for now, searching for some toys was top on the to-do list before bed. “How about we look through the cabin and see if we can find some toys or crayons?”

  When he nodded but made no move to get up, I chuckled. “Then we can find another movie to watch or maybe dig up some cartoons.”

  “Okay.” His teasing half-smile said that had been his goal the whole time. Someone had a lot of cuddles to make up for. “We had some younger cousins on my mother’s side who used to come visit when they were kids, so maybe there’s some of that stuff left.”

  With that as our starting point, Joseph climbed off me and didn’t bat an eyelash when I reached for his hand and stood. I didn’t think either of us wanted space. I liked holding him and I had a feeling he wasn’t ready for the real world to intrude just yet.

  “Start upstairs?” I glanced up at the ceiling. “That seemed to be set up for kids.”

  “Yeah.” Joseph shrugged, but his smile seemed a bit off. “I think there’s some stuff in the closet in there.”

  “We don’t have to look if you don’t want to.” Tugging on his hand, I wrapped my arm around him and hugged him close. “This is supposed to be fun and a way for you to explore things you’ve been curious about. There’s no reason to be nervous.”

  His head rested against my shoulder. He wasn’t short, but I had a good few inches on him in height and I was a bit broader too. When I was a kid, my father had called us farm stock, and he’d always teased that he wasn’t sure where my brains had come from.

  “I’m not nervous…just…well, not exactly.” His fingers started absently stroking my shirt and I could almost hear the wheels in
his head turning. “It just seems weird to do that…especially with someone else around.”

  Yeah, I could understand that.

  “But I’m not just someone. I’m a Daddy and I can’t wait to see what we find for you to play with.” I found myself kissing his head, but again, he didn’t pull away or tell me I’d crossed boundaries. “One step at a time and we’ll see what part of being little you have the most fun with and what feels right.”

  He nodded but was slow to pull away. Finally, he took a long breath and straightened, but reached down to take my hand. “Let’s go look.”

  I wasn’t sure if he meant look for the toys or just look at the toys we might find, but either way, it would work. “Perfect.”

  He led the way upstairs, still keeping his fingers laced through mine as I followed closely behind him. When we got upstairs, I saw the bed he’d been sleeping in and his bags tossed haphazardly on the floor. Going to the other end of the room, he pointed to a closet and another small door that looked like a crawl space.

  Since the closet seemed easier, I headed in that direction. “Let’s see what we can find.”

  He reached for the door, reluctantly dropping my hand as it opened. It was full of odds and ends, board games that had seen better days and stacks of sheets and towels. As we started digging through the piles, we found a few things that would work. “These are cute.”

  The twin sheets were soft and decorated in colorful race cars. They clearly weren’t new but looked to be in good shape. Turning, I pointed to the first queen bed. “I think there’s a twin tucked under that bed. I saw it the first time I came in to look around. We might not need it, but it could be interesting. I think your little side might find a blanket fort to be a fun place to play.”

  When Joseph just stared at the sheets, I reached out and squeezed his shoulder. Was it all just catching up to him or had the blanket fort been too much?

  Chapter 8

  Joseph

  I was standing there looking like an idiot, but he was so relaxed it was like I’d fallen into another dimension. Swallowing, I forced a deep breath and nodded. I could do this. If he wasn’t uncomfortable talking about blanket forts and toys, I wasn’t going to be either.